Unapologetically Me

A Reflection 1-Year Later It’s been a year since the #toxicFuller protest led by Black students at #fullerseminary. And people have asked what’s been going on. As I reflect over the year, the image of a roller coaster comes to mind. This year has felt like a roller coaster ride where you start off with anticipation knowing there will be ups and downs; even still you risk it in hopes of the outcome. But what do you do when you realize you ended where you began only more shook up, heart racing, hair disheveled, pulse elevated, trying to catch you breathe because the ride you took was just that: a ride through a loop taking you back to the place you began. As I look back, to look forward I wonder, do I strap back in for another ride around the loop, do I walk away and count my losses, or do I find another way to resist? Do I put on a smile and sing praises for the ride and the inches we moved forward while I sit on a therapist chair dealing with the accumulated impact t...

1: an idea occurring later 2: something (such as a part or feature) not thought of originally: something secondary Am I an Afterthought? It didn’t occur to me that I was an Afterthought I became an afterthought the moment they pulled me from my mother’s womb and proclaimed it’s a girl I’ve learned to live as an Afterthought even in my own mind I was defined an Afterthought because my skin was laced with melanin and kissed by the sun I didn’t know that even in my own subconscious I too was an Afterthought So do I blame those who view me an  Afterthought and take me for granted  Or does that blame lay squarely on me for allowing myself to be just that:  a thought an idea that occurs later; an Afterthought My needs, my wants, my desires, my hopes, my dreams, an afterthought An Afterthought after that of those of my kids, my family, my husband, my job, my church, my community, my friends then I think of me Is it out of selfish am...

In the last few days, I've watched my brothers and sisters share their story #SeminaryWhileBlack, #ToxicFuller #BlackExodus. As an alum, student, and staff I wanted to add my voice... Fuller Community- They often say that when we see something and choose to remain silent our silence communicates an agreement to go along. I am a pretty private person- I keep to myself, keep my head down, do my job, study, and go home. But I know that I can only remain silent for so long until my silence becomes interrupted as compliance, agreement, or submission to the status quo. I recognize that to speak up and take a stand will cost me something. And I haven’t had the emotional energy it takes to take that stand. I don’t actually have it now. I haven’t had it, don’t have it because I’ve been speaking up for my kids in their elementary school as they deal with the same grievances my brothers and sisters have here at Fuller. I’ve had to choose my battles. - I’ve had to remind m...