Lent NEVER ended (Part 2)

I encourage you to read Lent Reflection Part 1 for a bit more context

I have enough ashes; I’m still wearing the Skin that I’m in

How can I begin this one when the first one really didn’t end

All the wardens keep treating me one way because of the skin and gender I’m assigned

It feels like it’ll be this way to the end of time

So even though Lent has begun again

I don’t quite know what to do with the collective sin

That is hurled upon my mind, body, and soul

Propelled by the legacy and lies that believers of the White Christ have told

That he’s only come to save me from my darkened self

A disjointed theology that needs to permanently be removed from our library shelves

A theology that cheapens God’s mercy and grace

The one that lets people smile as we place ashes upon their face

What do you do when you wake and your heart is overwhelmed with despair

And you look around at those Easter Sunday folks who don’t seem to care

As they tell you to pick up yet another cross to bear

And ignore the bend of your spine this is visibly ready to tear

From carrying the slack they won’t acknowledge until it’s this time of the year

When they clinch their crucifix and try to hold it near

You know you’ve been carrying the collective sin of their greed and pride

The ones they’ve tried to bury deep and hide

It’s deeper than the skin that you or I live in

Its rooted in a fear that their false narratives will soon end

So they cling tightly to everything tangible and unreal

Seeking to find meaning and power and to some how begin to feel

Ashes to Ashes dust to dust

A reality they can’t face because they are caught up in the lust

Of themselves and their desire to always and forever win

Walking on the backs of the poor and vulnerable as they commit their corporate sin

That’s been legalized so it doesn't seem so wrong

Then they hurry to church and sing a mournful tear-filled song

With their lips not allowing it penetrate their heart

Eager for the service to end the moment it starts

Unable to sit with the uncomfortable call of suffering that this season invokes

Fighting against the truth that the Gospel does evoke

They ask for forgiveness for things they are proud they got to do

They shake their head at us for snubbing their traditions while looking down on me and you

Is it crazy that for Lent this year I need to give up playing small

And self-sacrificing for y’all

Who keep profiting from my sacrifices, suffering, and pain

Making me question if my living is in vain

This year I’m giving up self-care birth out of my desperation to survive

Seeking instead to live from an abundance of self-love it’s the only way I’ll ever thrive

I’m giving up helping to meet the needs of those near and far

I’ll have to leave you just where and as you are

I’m giving up letting folks walk all over me

And letting people take advantage of who I may be

I’m giving up fear and determined to take risk and leap from where I stand

Even with so much uncertainty of where I may eventually land

I’m giving up the voice and the role that you allowed me to play

Replacing it with the authentic me, and no longer listening to what you may say

This time I know what I’m giving up and its way harder the it may sound

But in doing this there are glimpses of peace that I have found

This Lent I will use it to remind me and not just to mark time

Of a destiny that belongs to God and is not all mine

To remind me that in my suffering my Black Jesus is near

Even when I can’t feel or and can barely even hear

The truth of whom I know God to be

But yet I know here in my suffering those eyes doeth see

To remind me that one day I’ll return from whence I came

And past into a reality that is not at all the same

I’ll sit with my belovedness and begin to fully understand my worth

Until my body returns to the depths of this corrupted earth

Ashes to Ashes Dust to Dust

Will you sleep like the disciples when Jesus needed them most

As he cried out to God asking that the suffering might pass

Will you stand beside those no matter how long their suffering may last

I lay my burdens here to you all

Knowing that many who call themselves brothers and sisters will simply ignore the call

And sleep in a slumber so deep you’ll miss it when Christ does return

Because you were too busy trying to always earn

The favor of men instead of God most high

You couldn’t get close to see the blood soaked cry

Missing Christ in the face of those covered in ash

From the collective sin of the present and the past Christ bore with each lash

Yet still I invite you to enter in as Christ did in the flesh

As we seek to navigate in this life, suffering, and a very uncomfortable mess