I Don’t Want to Join that Club











Part 4: Processing This Week- May 29, 2020

(If you haven't I encourage you to read Part 1 as well)

There’s a terror I knew when I birthed a black boy into this world 

I see the insults and allegations his way will be hurled 

You don’t understand I don’t think you will ever really know 

It’s something so raw and vulnerable I choose to never fully show 

But it’s the same venom the trauma that makes my heart race 

When my son leaves the house with a big smile on his face

Wanting to simply go ride his bike from here to there 

I have to give him a long list of don’t as I pull back his hair 

And I wait while he’s gone not really breathing at all 

Not until he returns and hoping no one will call

And tell me there’s been an incident involving my son today 

Do I have time to come by and hear what they have to say 

It’s a fear that’s my companion and it won’t just simply go away

I’ll hold it until my own dying day 


And I pray to my Black Jesus that I won’t encounter Mary’s fate 

I want to see my son live and go on his very first date 

I don’t want to quell his vigor his zest for life 

But sometimes I have to ‘cause the world is full of strife

And it won’t see my son the way that I do 

It will turn him into a villain and say sorry we didn’t hear you 

When he grasps and says that he can’t breathe 

With hands raised and nothing up his sleeves

These are the nightmares that haunt me during the day 

I don’t need a video to show me what I live, I want this to go away


You get to let your son run free 

In neighbor’s yard and frolic under the tree

We just want to be able to go to the park to jog or train for a run

We just wanted to enjoy a little bit of the sun

But we can’t do little things that most people get to do 

Without you suddenly being afraid and claiming we threatened you 

It’s our presence nothing more that reminds you of who you really are 

So you try to push it aside and pretend like you’re some shining star

Like you were a hero looking out to save your race

And the DA nodded and gave you about 3 months of grace

Till your boy didn’t realize the truth in what he saw 

As he shot that video leaning from his car

You had no intention of making a citizen’s arrest that day 

You said son lets round up these niggers they have no room to stay 

So with every activity there we do so with fear of life 

Because we know you’ll claim you were protecting you pure little wife


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