Unapologetically Me

Since April I've had a pair of Mourning Doves nest outside my window. At the beginning of the pandemic, I thought how sweet. I get to sit and watch these doves nest and care for the eggs. It was interesting watching each of the birds care for the nest and await their young to hatch. Like us, during the pandemic, the birds are confined and have limited places and spaces they can go to until their young hatch. I watched as the primary parent stayed put like a soldier from the Queen of England’s royal guard. I called this one the primary parent just because this bird stayed with the eggs for longer periods of the day. A few times during the day a secondary parent would come in and relieve the primary parent from their duties. The secondary parent would sit on the eggs but it would also fly to the adjacent ledge and watch the eggs for a bit. It never let them out of their sight but was just a little ways away.  Watching these birds reminds me that they didn’t care for the eggs the same...

Writing and poetry help me to articulate and process how I feel.  Here are my reflections.  I suppose I can only kinda pretend to ignore the world on fire for so long before the ash from the smoke infiltrates my world, extinguishing the air, and making it difficult to breathe, as the reality that has continued to be my norm overtakes the news cycle yet again. I guard my eyes, my ears, and my mind, knowing that I can only take so much trauma. And while I know that seeing it helps folks believe what we’ve said for centuries, for me, Tracey, I know I’ll never be able to unsee it. I’ll never be able to erase it from my mind. Like the horror flicks from the 90s, these images will forever be etched into my brain, overshadowing the brief moment of celebration that should have been this week.  I knew the world was on fire again, I could smell the smoke rising in my nostrils and consuming everything it touched. I wasn’t ignoring that Anthony McClain had been slain on Pasadena’s st...

The last school year was rough and I’m being kind. So in an effort to start this distance learning experiment on the right foot, I found myself reminding my kids of things they already knew. Checking in on them to make sure they were on task. I was telling them to do A-Z when it was not required by their teachers, just what I thought they should do. I was double and triple-checking that they went to their virtual classes. I was doing the most and felt like I was in the 5th and 8th grade again. I don’t think I was a helicopter parent but...I was pretty damn close. In my effort to support and create an environment for them to flourish I crossed the ever so thin line that made my kiddos think they needed to perform and be perfect. And if you know me that can’t be further from the truth. I didn’t want to change their personalities or who they are becoming, I just wanted to help them develop good study habits and rhythms that would allow them to thrive. And no matter how much I said I don’t...

Summer didn’t feel much like a break and here we are back into what feels like will be another grind. Today is the first day of school for my kids, and like many parents, the weeks building up to this day have been filled with so many feelings running from excitement to dread. As I began to prepare for the school year, I found myself trying to figure out all of the things I need to do to make sure the kids succeed in school. I had returned to the rhythm of doing and producing I said I didn’t want to return to .  Yet I started checking things off my list: Watch all the videos the teachers send✅ Read all the emails from the principal, the superintendent, the lunch lady, PTA….✅ Download this year’s parent communication app...oh wait there are two ✅ Read the messages and sign-up for this and that...don’t forget that one as well ✅ Check to make sure they have all supplies for at-home learning ✅ Repeat that process for kid #2 ✅ Follow the school on FB, IG, and twitter (just in case they ...

Over the last few months I’ve talked with many of my friends as we’ve tried to figure out how to parent during the pandemic. It’s been good to hear one another’s stories and find comfort knowing we aren’t alone. I’ve also felt like we each have been holding our breath as we look towards the start of the school year. And just like that, it’s here.  I thought it might be a good idea to offer a weekly reflection during this school year. Each week I’ll share a snippet of what’s going on in my world, a word of encouragement, and some responsive activity to help us continue to care for our souls well as we parent and seek to thrive. If you’re interested in receiving this weekly reflection, please subscribe with your email address. (I’m pretty sure these reflections will be applicable to most people even if you don’t have little ones running around so you’re also welcome to DM me too!) Click here for this week’s reflection.

This is Part I of Processing - This Week: May 29, 2020 Like most working moms who are taking their kids to work as they work remotely during the pandemic I have learned all the more how important it is for me to protect my time and space. When I set aside time to write I have learned that I have to protect the writing time with my life. That means walling myself off in some corner of my home emerging to come up for air and food and tuning all social media and the rest of the world out. And so when I emerged for a breathe on Tuesday and saw my timeline filled with a new hashtag I logged off. I logged off not because I wanted to remain ignorant of what happened. I logged off to protect my sanity, to protect my own wellbeing. And just as I have learned that I have to fight to protect my time I’ve learned to fight to protect my heart and mind.  When I saw there was another name added to the list, I knew I couldn’t watch it or see it or process it or anything else. I already knew I’ve b...