Mourning Doves- Part 1



Since April I've had a pair of Mourning Doves nest outside my window. At the beginning of the pandemic, I thought how sweet. I get to sit and watch these doves nest and care for the eggs. It was interesting watching each of the birds care for the nest and await their young to hatch. Like us, during the pandemic, the birds are confined and have limited places and spaces they can go to until their young hatch.


I watched as the primary parent stayed put like a soldier from the Queen of England’s royal guard. I called this one the primary parent just because this bird stayed with the eggs for longer periods of the day. A few times during the day a secondary parent would come in and relieve the primary parent from their duties. The secondary parent would sit on the eggs but it would also fly to the adjacent ledge and watch the eggs for a bit. It never let them out of their sight but was just a little ways away. 


Watching these birds reminds me that they didn’t care for the eggs the same. Yet they each cared for the birds in a way that made sense given their situation, disposition, and capacity. It seemed to me that the first bird had the ability to sit for long bouts of time to provide the warmth the eggs needed to develop and mature. The second bird had a different role to play. But each bird understood what its role was and played it well until the eggs hatched, and when that happened how they cared for their young also needed to adjust and change. 


Like those of us who find ourselves confined and limited, it’s so important that we know what we can and cannot do as parents. That means we must communicate with our partners to make sure our unspoken expectations become spoken. That we figure out what we have the capacity to do and not to do. And when it’s our turn to step away, to really step away. 


This stepping away should not be to do but to be. We desperately need time to step away in order to rest, reflect and refresh. I know for many of us during the pandemic we don’t have the luxury to step away because we’re the single parent all the time, or our co-parent is an essential worker. Some of us are separated, divorced, or are the widowed. Long before pod families popped up, the Black community naturally developed fictive kinships (an extended family not by blood but by relationship) in order to fill in the gap. The Black family understood it took a whole lot of folks to care for the entire family, so we invited trusted people into our family who our kids know as uncle and aunt and who are deeply committed to our communal flourishing. 


For those of us who find ourselves in a place of having to hold it all, I want to encourage you to find ways to allow people into your pod, circle, or family in a way that you feel comfortable and safe to do. And even for those of us who aren’t doing it alone, we may still need to ask for help so we can reconnect with our co-parent in meaningful ways. Like the mourning dove, no matter what role we play we have to step away. 


I pray that this week you find moments to walk away to rest, reflect, and refresh. 

 

Weekly Activity

Walk Away 

  1. This week I want to encourage you to walk away from parenting 15-30 minutes a day. Make sure you communicate to folks in your home ahead of time.

    • When my kids were younger they knew this as “Mommy is putting herself on time out.” As they got older, they understand that I am taking ‘me time.’

    • They help me protect this space by reminding each other (don’t go in there, mom’s off duty taking her ‘me time’).

    • They have learned to take it for themselves as well. 

  2. During your time away engage in an activity that brings you joy, allows you to reflect, or to refuel. 

    • Here are a few examples: nap, coloring, go for a walk or bike ride, take a walk or bath, do something for you.



Further Reading 

Psalm 42

I invite you to reflect on Psalm 42 throughout this week. It is a Psalm of deep longing and need of refreshing in the midst of both personal and societal turmoil. If you’re interested, here’s a sermon I preached on it as well, about the Scared Dance of Suffering and Joy.


Listen

I encourage you to listen to Marvin Sapp- “In the Garden” at some point this week: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7uttIAHmW_8

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